We're constantly doing things here and there to get ready for our move back home (which is approaching at a terrifying speed), and I'm thus constantly finding myself swinging back from being really excited to leave and really sad to leave. As I was sitting in the yellow school bus that shuttled us out to UTV on the weekend I was thinking a lot about the old me vs. the new me. It's a bit of a silly idea, I mostly don't think there's an old or new me as of course when you're living it growing up and changing is a fairly organic experience. In saying that, the me that lived in New Zealand a few years back would have driven over to North Van on the weekend whereas I haven't driven a car in years. When I first moved in with Richard, I could not believe that I was going to have to function without a microwave and now I can't even really imagine using one, plus I have gotten very good at making popcorn on the stove. The projects I'm working on both involve the use and practice of traditional hand crafts (one with a specific focus on exactly that) and while I've always enjoyed working with my hands, working on these I was struck by how much in the past few years I've moved towards a more minimalist lifestyle somewhat unintentionally and how right it feels. Due to Richard not being able to use loud machinery because of some hearing problems, all of our woodworking and making is done almost entirely by hand and while this obviously takes much longer, the smell of wood being sanded and the meditative act of hand stitching is something I don't think I'd trade for getting it done faster.
I'm fully aware of the irony of me claiming almost Luddite status while typing on a laptop with lilac coloured fingernails and using a wireless internet connection. Not quite back to the land just yet. But still, as much as I'd love a KitchenAid, mixing by hand with a wooden spoon and kneading bread dough on the counter top is something I'm going to hold on to. I guess this is where some of my nervousness about moving home comes from, this old me vs. new me. While I can see the changes in myself over the last few years, I still see them in the framework of who I've always been and things that have always been important to me. That, and that I'm nearing the end of my twenties so the last decade is a pretty natural time of change and growth in ones life. My worry is that I'm going to return home and seem like some crazy leftist hippy (which maybe I am, there are parts of me that feel pretty strongly connected to a earthy hippy lifestyle. And other parts of me, the parts that don't love fire poi and hula hoop, that do not...) and if I'm truly honest, that I won't know where I fit anymore. I am so happy and content with myself and my life in so many ways at the moment, that it is hard not to attach those feelings to this place instead of taking credit myself for developing and growing as person, and becoming more and more comfortable with who that person is.
Hmm, got a little deeper there than I was intending! Here's a mixtape I made you, in honor of my Luddite leanings, some of my favourite acoustic tunes for your Tuesday listening pleasure.
Happy Tuesday, friends!